Understanding Our Two Selves
Under the mar. The guck. Underneath the images you’ve seen through the years. Under what people have told you about you (bad or good). Underneath the layers of defensiveness, anger, sadness, apathy, pride and ego. Is you.
Free. Clear. Loved. Loving. Non-judgmental. Excited. Peaceful. Exposed with no worry.
Let’s learn about our adapted self and our original self. Let’s learn when we are responding (original self) or reacting (ego). Let’s EXPERIENCE what it feels like when we finally understand the difference in both and how much more IN IT, we are able to be when we are coming from the original person God created! Ready to dig in?
A Tale of Two Selves
The first destination on the roadmap to deep freedom and peace is the recognition of the two selves. The original self, the one nearest and in deepest union with God, and the adapted self or ego. In simple terms, sel(ves)-awareness.
“Our tendency is to lump them together and either hang on to them or dismiss them both, rather than understand their differences and learn to distinguish between them. This involves paying careful attention to how we operate in our everyday lives, so that we can make a distinction between what to disown and what to embrace.”
This is what it means to take every thought captive. Sound daunting? Consider the alternative. We would be continuing through life REACTING from a place of guard, defense and false confidence rather than RESPONDING from a place of calm, peace and true confidence.
Example: A friend makes a decision to do something and this takes you back to a place where you feel manipulated and tossed aside.
The ego or adapted self: “I want her to pay for what she did. I want her to hurt like she hurt me. She will fail and it will be so nice when she does.” (Remember our adapted self wants to keep us guarded)
The original self: Understands deep down this friend has been hurt in her past too and is acting from a place of ego and protection. The original self (OG) will choose to first have a conversation with this friend out of deep love. Regardless of the outcome our original self will be ok with it. Because the OG lives in total faith that God will bring good from the situation. We will wait on him.
This distinction could be the difference in having deep connection with God, our spouse, our best friends, our siblings, etc. Rather than relationships where our happiness is contingent upon what these people do for us, say to us or how they leave us feeling.
On this side of heaven I don't believe we will be able to live from our authentic self, our original self 100% of the time. We've seen too much. Ego will sneak in there sometimes. BUT I do believe once we know the difference, it is our responsibility to take note of where our responses are coming from and correct course when we feel we are coming from our defensive place. ⠀
Becoming More “Selves” Aware
Here is a GREAT way to start becoming more “selves” aware. It requires major vulnerability and an open mind, but if your heart longs to become free of your adapted self, this is a big piece of the puzzle. Pick someone you trust, and ask them specific questions about how your actions and chosen words are perceived, and how they may be affecting others.
When I first started doing this, I chose people I knew would love me regardless but would also be honest with me. I would present situations in my relationships, and other parts of life, give a clue as to how I was handling them and then wait for honest feedback. @jamieprovinse has always been one of my go to’s for this. Never judgmental, always kind in her delivery.
Now if you were asking me, I would in turn ask you more questions like:
What were your intentions and motivation behind that response?
Do you know where that came from? Really think about it.
Is that the outcome you were hoping for deep down?
How did you feel after you responded like that?
If the situation were reversed how would you want them to handle it?
Be really careful in choosing someone to walk with you through this. There can be people in our lives that would take advantage of your vulnerability to make you feel worse (I can’t believe I have to say that). If you don’t think you have anyone that would have the courage to be honest with you, ask yourself those questions and start journaling. God is really graceful to give you the answers if you’re willing to hear. It is never easy to hear the seemingly negative side of your actions or words but if we want an honest look at how our ego (which is where we are acting from mostly right now) may be affecting relationships, this is a step not to skip.
Keep an Open Mind
Becoming “selves” aware and learning to transition from your adapted self to your original self, your OG, requires vulnerability and an open mind. It helps to seek out someone, whether a friend or a loved one to walk with you through this journey, and provide honest feedback when you need it. But, get ready to be open and honest in your words, the intentions behind your actions, and where exactly they are coming from (likely your ego). This may be difficult starting out, but this is a step not to skip in your growth journey.
Watch the video for helpful ways to start really beginning the journey of becoming more “selves” aware.
Hope this makes sense…it’s not the easiest concept to unpack. BUT it is the most important step on the road to calm and joy.
Remember, freedom and intentional living come from our original self. Let's come from there as often as we can.
