Five Steps to Personal Growth
The calling I have on my life is not to be a life coach. It is very clearly to share what God has taught me and what has helped me find peace and joy. That’s it. I made a video on how to get started accomplishing just that.
Personal growth and development can be scary. It feels daunting, and sometimes even unattainable. But, I promise, if you are ready to put in the work, you can experience tangible freedom, joy, and peace. It will take a mind shift, but I am here to help guide you through this journey. We can do this. YOU can do this.
I’m sharing with you five steps that I took when beginning this journey myself. I hope that you will join me in getting back to our original selves that God created us to be.
Step 1:
Self Awareness
There is an old movie called Bull Durham. In the movie Susan Sarandon narrated the quote, “This world was made for people who weren’t cursed with self-awareness.” She means that if you don’t possess self-awareness you don’t have to think about how your actions affect people or affect YOU. You get to be in fun la la land and not have a care in the world.
She was being ironic, but it is true if we are measuring success by the world’s often superficial standards. But in my life I am not. I am measuring success based on the peace and joy I possess and the deep and meaningful relationships I have in my life.
The first step in any kind of personal development is SELF-AWARENESS. Awareness that there are places in your life that need growth. IE:
Becoming aware of how your actions are affecting other people and situations (not turning a blind eye or making excuses)
Becoming aware of how other people’s actions are affecting you and why (not sweeping them under the rug)
Becoming aware of your energy and how that is shifting people and things around you (how the mood is when you are around)
Start to drop the scales and really look at the role you are playing in your life. Marriage issues creeping in? Friendship woes? Unhealthy relationships with your parents? Etc. You have a responsibility to yourself and to the people you love to become the best version of you. God gives you that charge. It’s not something I am making up. So, what will you do with it? Will you keep pretending nothing you’re doing is part of the issue? Or will you start today taking control over growing, stretching, and evolving past being the same Christian girl in the seat every Sunday with no fruit to show.
I wish someone was blunt with me long ago. Zero judgment here, I’ve been there. And I still have to keep it in check. Hopefully it shows how much I care about you and this topic…it’s the main driver for me spending time writing these things to you.
Step 2:
Read books, see a therapist, or both!
God creates people. People learn things. People share what they’ve learned with others. Other’s start implementing what they are learning. Their life changes. They help others. (full circle)
When I couldn’t afford therapy, I went to books to learn things. I believe God brought the right books into my life when I needed them. “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and “In the Meantime” by Iyanla Vanzant were the two books that changed everything for me. And when I could afford it, I saw a therapist too. She helped reinforce everything I was learning was good and true and that I was well on my way. Here are a couple of examples from these books:
Boundaries:
“Many people think that others should be able to read their minds and know what they want. This leads to frustration…We have our own thoughts and if we want others to know them, we must tell them.” (communication)
In The Meantime:
“You must listen to the questions people ask when they are upset because those questions will reveal to you who this person is, who they think you are, and who you think you are.” (self-awareness)
God knows we want tangible examples of the peace he’s promised and the other principles he speaks about. What better way than to arm his sheep with this wisdom and send them out to help? (authors, therapists) These are people that have so much wisdom. They can help you see things in a different light or snap you out of your funk with truth. And as my friend @emilyeyost says, all truths are God’s truths. (Notice I didn’t say everything people write is God’s truth.)
Will you have to read self-help books for the rest of your life? I hope not! Sometimes it takes just one or two to jog you out of the fog you’ve been in and then it clicks. But if I really wanted freedom I would claw my way to find it. I would read as many books as it takes. I would fight like hell. I did actually. I knew the life God wanted for me but I also understood that day when I started reading these things for the first time, it was my responsibility to get it.
If you need other book recommendations let me know!
Step 3:
Journal
All of those thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences play a HUGE role in the confidence you will have to really dig deep into personal development. Write them down because…
A lot of those things going in your head aren’t actually happening, or aren’t really you…they are your ego and when you can get them down on paper and look at them for what they are (words on a piece of paper or characters typed in your phone) they will lose their power. You can start separating your true self from your adapted self that holds onto past hurts, anger, etc.
But it’s also therapeutic to empty out your head. You have sooooo much going on up there. To write everything down is freeing! Just like a freshly made bed or a freshly cleaned house, it helps you breathe and start determining what is really going on. This is so helpful in conjunction with reading books and becoming more self-aware.
How I wish I could show you tangibly how much doing all of these things helped me. So since I can’t, I will just reiterate for the 500th time, you can get to a place of freedom, peace, and joy. But you will need to act. You can’t stay stagnant.
Step 4:
Start implementing what
you’re reading/learning
(Because why else would you be spending
your precious time on the other steps?)
Change requires baby steps. If you’re starting with boundaries this won’t be easy, but stay the course. Trust me when I say, it will get easier as long as you keep going! And when you realize that you’re more peaceful after you’ve said no a few times, you’ll want to keep going. This step is crucial but it doesn’t make it less hard and I know that. But KEEP GOING.
That first paragraph was straight from my video outlining the five steps that I took to start my personal development journey. Things won’t change if you don’t take action. I know it is scary. And I would NOT start with the BIG boundary problems you have in your life until you really get your feet wet first. Try the NO on for size. Start using the tools you learn to communicate in a more honest and effective way. And then watch how your confidence in yourself, to handle things the way God designed, grows. It becomes the new normal. And even if people in your life don’t “get it” or are not comfortable with it, you will be. And you will feel peace.
Example:
Someone texts you and asks you to handle something at work. This is NOT part of your job description. It would be ok if it was just once but it happens all the time. But it only seems to happen to you. No one else gets asked to do things they aren’t paid to do.
Old you: (Starting to sweat because you already have so much to do plus you just don’t want to) Sure! I’ll get on it. Anything else you need?
New you: (Implementing boundaries and working on yourself daily) Oh man, I wish I could but I am not able to fit that in. Too much going on! Hope you get it covered.
“Lauren, that sounds easy when you say it but it is so hard for me!”
To that I ask; How badly do you want them to stop asking you?
Who is here for this!?
Step 5:
Seek like-minded people to help
walk through this change with you
I believe in ‘your vibe attracts your tribe’ so don’t worry if you don’t feel like you have people you can go to during this new phase of life. You will. People that have been there or are going through the same change will just start showing up. This is how energy works.
You know how when you start to get interested in a certain car you start seeing them everywhere on the road? Or you start thinking about someone you haven’t thought about in a long time and all of a sudden you see them driving down the road or they randomly text you? That is what I am talking about.
It is so important that you have people you can go to when you have a question about how you should handle X or how you should respond to X. Having a few people that are in your camp is so encouraging when you start making changes. And also you need someone to be honest with you and let you know that maybe that wasn’t the best response or way to handle it.
I will pray that whoever is starting this transition that you will meet the people you need to meet in order for this to be easier or less scary!
And that’s it. The simple five steps to starting to grow the whole person. Mind, body, and spirit. I am here to help if you need me.
