Boundaries in Dating (What I Wish I Would Have Known)
If I could go back to younger, dating Lauren there are so many things I wish I could teach her about boundaries. Boundaries would have kept my heart and my time protected. Here are SIX of those things (I could list 25):
1. Trust your intuition.
God has given us ALL this gift. Whether you choose to ignore it because you want to fit the square peg in the round hole or not, you have this gift.
If the other person shows up early on with red flags that he or she is not in fact what you have been praying for, let them go. Assume they will not just one day change just for you. And if they are all too eager to change immediately, that’s even more of a red flag. That is not genuine.
2. If they don’t take interest in your life, and the things you love, you aren’t a match.
I remember one guy I was dating only wanted us to hang with his friends, be at his house, go to the places he wanted to go, etc. And I went along with it for a while because I was so in love. But it didn’t feel right. I started losing me. I stopped hanging with my people and doing ‘me’ things and got really depressed.
If you find yourself in this situation and the people in your life are raising concerns for you, stop and listen to them. You may need their help and support eventually if you aren’t strong enough yet to get out of that relationship.
3. Don’t prolong the inevitable.
It’s not fair to them nor is it fair to you to keep dating someone when you know in your heart it’s done.
They may be blindly in love and you may think you are sparing their feelings but in actuality you are not treating them well. You are crossing boundaries. Let them go. The sooner you do, the sooner both have time to heal and both of you can move on.
Pro tip: Be honest. Don’t sugar coat, don’t make excuses, don’t ghost. Simply give them your honest words and open communication about why this is not working and why it will not work in the future.
It’s not the easiest thing to do but it shows love and respect for them and their heart, and it shows that you can have hard conversations. And honestly, it speeds up the process of both of you being able to move on.
4. YOU NEVER KNOW!
I understand that we are usually attracted to a similar style but what if your number one, your one and only, your best friend did not look like who you usually date? This is all too familiar to me. My husband is has dark hair. I NEVER dated people with dark hair. Only blondies. But I loved his nature and the way about him which led to more dates and eventually the altar. :)
5. Ask for the sale. (This kind of goes along with #3 but only in the be honest party.)
This is for this time right now where we have all of the dating apps we could ever want. I did not date during the app era BUT the things I have learned about boundaries would have applied just as much. I know from hearing about my friends’ dates that commitment is even harder to come by this day in age because there are literally hundreds of other women or men at their finger tips. So what if you found someone you really liked and you knew they liked you too, so you were bold and said, “Hey I know that we could both go home and check out other people that we might have been missing out on, but what if we didn’t? What if we just spent the next few weeks really focused on this (us)?” This is asking for what you want which is a HUGE part of your boundaries.
Sometimes people are so used to the routine of swiping, what if that question jarred them a little? What if it was what they needed to hear to be challenged away from the status quo?
6. Trust God’s timing.
There was a long time in my life where I was what people called “a serial dater.” If I broke up with someone Monday, I was sure to be dating someone else by the next week. I didn’t take the time I need to heal, to reflect, to be by myself and enjoy that time. But more than that, I didn’t take time to be with my heavenly father. To unpack my relationship with him. I wish so much that I would have trusted his perfect timing more than I did. I pray that you will not rush into the next relationship before you spend adequate time letting your heavenly dad LOVE on you like he wants to! Let him fill you up. Let him be ALL you need! And then, when you’re ready, open yourself up to HIM bringing someone special into your life.
